Nicole Kidman shared that she was devastated after her divorce with Tom Cruise. During her Oscar win, she found it hard to cope up after ending 11-years-of marriage.

Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise (PC: Instagram/ tomcruise and Netflix)

Behind Nicole Kidman’s astonishing charm and prowess in her performance, the actor had her days and nights where she was all alone. Behind her excruciating pain, her divorce from her former husband, Tom Cruse was the primary reason. The actor candidly shared her painful experience after the divorce, despite winning an Oscar, the desolation took a toll on her.

Kidman is one of the most sought-after actors in Hollywood. The Australian actor has several remarkable credits to her name including The Others, and To Die For. The 57-year-old is still very much active and has recently appeared in Netflix’s A Family Affair and Prime Video’s Lulu Wang-directed acclaimed drama Expats.

But behind her showbiz fame, the actor once struggled to cope with the heavy heart following her separation from Tom Cruise. When author Dave Karger asked Kidman about her personal take on her glorious Oscar win for his book, 50 Oscar Nights, the actor said that she found it hard to maintain her life despite her thriving career. She had also gained astounding fandom by then. “I was struggling with things in my personal life, yet my professional life was going so well,” she told Karger. “That’s what happens, right?” she asked back.

Kidman won her first Oscar in 2003 for her portrayal of a historical literary figure, Virginia Woolf in The Hours, the Stephen Daldry-directed melodrama which also stars Meryl Streep, Julianne Moore, and Ed Harris.

While the actor was shining on the grand stage of the Oscars wearing a glamorous Jean-Paul Gaultier gown, she was hiding the immense pain of her separation from Cruise after 11 years of marriage. “I’m not a big party girl,” Kidman said in the book. “So I was going to skip the Vanity Fair party, and everyone was like, ‘You’ve got to go. You’ve got to walk through the party carrying your Academy Award,’” she added.

But she was not in the mood for a party, “I said, ‘That just feels like gloating,” the Moulin Rouge star continued adding that it doesn’t “feel humble.” While her peers were surprised she said that one can’t walk through carrying the award, “That feels really inappropriate.” But they were quite supportive of her and asked the actor to join.

It is worth noting that, Kidman briefly broke down on the stage when she held the golden statue in her hand but Russel Crowe tried to calm her down.

Eventually, she “walked in, carried it around, was completely overwhelmed, emotional, shaking” but the actor was far from enjoying her biggest cinematic achievement, “I didn’t enjoy it.” As she looked back to the moment, she felt that she was almost apologetic, “which is so stupid” regretting that she could have enjoyed it more.