Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s marriage is reportedly hanging by a thread, and in a revelation that surprises absolutely no one, Meghan has allegedly decided that sleeping apart from her husband is the best way to cope with her dwindling popularity.

Not because of marital struggles, not due to personal differences, and not even because Harry snores like a chainsaw—no, Meghan is apparently so consumed with the idea of being more popular on her own that she’s choosing separate sleeping quarters.

Rumors have been swirling for a while that things aren’t quite the fairy tale we were once led to believe.

According to Radar Online, Meghan is feeling the pressure of public scrutiny as she desperately tries to claw her way back into Hollywood while also launching a new lifestyle brand.

Initially, she had grand plans for American Riviera Orchard—a name meant to evoke luxury, refinement, and perhaps a vague association with wealth.

Unfortunately, the U.S. Trademark Office had other ideas, rejecting her bid for being “primarily geographically deceptive.” So, she did what any savvy entrepreneur would do—changed the name to “As Ever” and pretended the first attempt never happened.

Meanwhile, Harry is off doing, well, something humanitarian—probably delivering solemn speeches about climate change while taking private jets.

Their separate interests have allegedly led to separate bedrooms, separate schedules, and possibly separate futures. There’s even speculation that Meghan is already weighing her options, possibly consulting divorce lawyers.

According to sources, she’s contemplating whether she’d be better off without Harry “dragging her down.” Because, of course, that’s exactly what you want in a partner—someone who sees you as an accessory to their fame rather than an actual person.

And let’s not forget the rumored post-divorce tell-all book she’s supposedly considering. Nothing says “classy” like airing out every last detail of your failed marriage in a memoir.

If Harry’s book *Spare* struggled to turn a major profit despite all the royal tea it spilled, one can only imagine how thrilling Meghan’s would be—*How I Pretended to Love a Prince and All I Got Was This Netflix Deal.*

It’s fascinating how the narrative keeps shifting. One minute, Meghan and Harry are all over each other with their cringeworthy PDA at public events.

The next, reports claim they haven’t shared a bed in months. Wasn’t it just a few months ago that Meghan was gazing at Harry like he was the last avocado at Whole Foods? Now, they’re leading separate lives and barely pretending to tolerate each other.

And what about Harry in all of this? He left the “cruel, racist” royal family only to look just as miserable in California. Gone are the days of the fun-loving prince—now, he just seems like a man who hasn’t had a decent haircut in three years and doesn’t know where his life went wrong.

And let’s be honest, if Meghan’s Netflix cooking show flops, the tension in that Montecito mansion is going to be palpable. What happens when the rebrand fails? When Hollywood once again doesn’t roll out the red carpet? Will Meghan blame Harry for being dead weight?

So where does this leave them? Are they still in the make-up/break-up phase, or have they accepted that it’s over? Because Harry’s effort levels have hit an all-time low—he no longer even bothers to pretend he enjoys Meghan’s company.

And Meghan? She seems to be carefully setting the stage for an exit strategy, but only if she gets the right payout. Apparently, she’s made it clear that if they do split, she wants a hefty settlement, the royal title, and property. Because, naturally, what’s the point of leaving a royal marriage if you don’t get to keep the perks?