A steel shortsword in Oblivion Remastered, modded to have ahegao faces all over it.

(Image credit: Bethesda, modded by Bub200)

It’s only a matter of time before somebody mods a game to be more horny. Whether it’s a remaster, remake, or new release, every game’s Nexus Mods page will eventually ensure that, if you’re the type of individual who can’t spend a moment without seeing something lewd, your condition won’t become critical. What ramifications this will have for society is still up in the air, but the fact remains: If it’s playable, it’ll get gooner mods.

In the case of Oblivion Remastered, it only took three hours.

As last week’s leaks had led us to believe, Oblivion Remastered launched as soon as it was announced—shortly before, in fact, because its Steam page went up just after its reveal stream went live. And thanks to Slack messages sent by my colleagues, we can pinpoint precisely when, at approximately 11:18 am EDT, Oblivion Remastered was available to the public and the time-to-pervert-mod clock began to tick.

(Image credit: Future)
That countdown ended at 2:27 pm EDT, when Nexus Mod user Bub200 secured a place in history by uploading the Ahegao Short Sword mod.

As gooner mods go, it’s fairly tame. Bub200 just slapped some hentai panels onto a short sword texture and called it a day. I’m squinting at the screenshot now and as far as I can tell, there’s nary a breast to be seen. Compared to what you’ll find in a casual scroll through Skyrim’s trending mods, it’s practically Puritan—a description I never thought I’d apply to an ahegao face, but here we are.

(You can google it yourself if you need to. Just don’t do it at work.)

In the comments on Nexus Mods, the very first response was a resounding “thanks I hate it” from user KelpyJesus. Elsewhere, user Duen says “we will watch your career with great interest.”

The most effusive praise was offered by one Thebrokenbucket, who declared the ahegao short sword “the first that will define a true modding renaissance,” and urging Bub200 to “please goon harder to get more modding publicity towards Oblivion” and thus “become a catalyst for the divine.”

I’m sure Thebrokenbucket won’t have to wait long before they can once more fill Cyrodiil with animate pornography. I’ve got simpler tastes, myself: I’m just waiting for someone to put Goku in there.