rings of power better known as toilet

water has filled the bowl again my

friends episode four and five have

dropped since last we spoke and the hate

fiction rewrite of The Lord of the Rings

carries on watching this show is like

watching a pile of [ __ ] cook in the Sun

and five episodes deep it’s mirroring

season 1 trying to stake its claim as

worst show of the

Year this empty husk of a television

show is simply a [ __ ] rewrite of tol

keen’s work with characters swapped out

for versions ordered from temu who

follow the same essential plot threads

from The Lord of the Rings with its only

hope of relevance coming from The

Nostalgia gasms that hopes you have need

a hobbit well they don’t have the rights

to that so how about a harfoot need a

Gandalf how about a guy they call in

episode 4 I [ __ ] you not a Grand Elf

need a story well the hobbits were

friends with Gandalf so why not pair the

harf foots with Grand Elf need dialogue

why not gargle some marbles and have an

autist recall a froto line from memory

it’s a matter of smart ass you don’t

know any [ __ ] Shakespeare so to put

it bluntly it thinks of its audience as

gullible morons but surely to the chrin

of Amazon fans are shunning the show and

unlike us MCU fans who’ve dealt with

similar bastardization of our beloved IP

or Star Wars fans who seem to have it

even worse Lord of the Rings fans have

soundly rejected this dookie Buster and

aren’t letting it affect their love of

the franchise rings of power doesn’t

matter it’s not Cannon and it doesn’t

get watched no matter what lies Amazon

tells when it comes to viewership in my

mind does Amazon love shifting numbers

whatever tactic it takes to make a show

feel like a success is the prog ative of

its PR department so are viewer numbers

down absolutely that’s why they’ll tell

you how many minutes are watched because

it’s a bigger number than a viewership

total after Amazon Bull Cucka their way

through numbers for season 1 neelon

ratings came in and curb stomped their

numbers into the ground with a dose of

reality the show Lost 2third of its

Audience by season’s end [ __ ] ouch or

perhaps they’ll stretch out their

numbers over a 4-day span instead of

three for example the time they actually

did this just last week samb TV ratings

reported that 1.8 million households

tuned in episode 1 of season 1 over its

first 3 days while Amazon reported the

first 4 days for episode 1 of season 2

because it only reached

92,000 people that’s half its audience

season over season gone no matter how

you look at it this show is an

unmitigated disaster for Amazon in

nearly every conceivable way and the

copium is strong with this one and like

an RKO out of nowhere Amazon’s now

suggesting 40 million people have

watched the first three episodes of

season 2 so far St the

out so they use the Zack Snyder method

instead of using households they’re

using the assumption that a multi-person

house all sit down and watch it together

shees if you assume 40 million and

multiply it by the average ticket price

rings of power is on its way to being

more popular than Barbie right Zach shut

the [ __ ] up it’s all [ __ ] PR to make

the utterly failing television show they

paid a billion dollars for not look like

it’s the utter failure it clearly is it

makes JD Payne’s comments directly to

YouTubers look more like the copium it

is he was quoted in The Hollywood

Reporter saying and those who watch

every episode and negatively write about

it and make YouTube videos we’re happy

to have you guys too it wouldn’t be a

journey through Middle Earth without

some trolls along the

way big words in defense of a show on

par with the Acolyte and shehulk and

reception and ratings the countless

comments of I’d rather watch a review of

the show because it’s more entertaining

than the show itself shower YouTube

videos across the platform so you’re

welcome Mr Payne this is after they

called everyone who criticized the show

patently evil by the way so I reiterate

to him what I said the first time what a

[ __ ] now let’s break down the next

couple episodes of this piece of [ __ ]

shall we before diving in 60 seconds to

talk about the sponsor of this video and

as always it’s timestamped for your

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into the episode breakdowns of this

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nightmare episode

4 a sh here we go again oh hey another

recap yes yes must we go to war again

they thought I’d need a reminder they

turned Orcs into [ __ ] victims I guess

yeah back to this you won’t find a

bigger meta signal this side of the

fortnite movie trailer for modern

audience capture he meant to say

Minecraft but he’s cranky right now how

do we make pure evil out to be a

misunderstood innocent Orcs were

literally created to serve they’re a

force of evil that fights to the last

man woman or child their [ __ ] hands

are rated E for everyone they don’t give

a [ __ ] having an orc fear war is

absolutely [ __ ] outrageous and spits

in the face of tolken and if you recall

the high elf king I mean he has to be to

make some of these decisions or [ __ ]

writing he thinks Kaka bmore is with

Sauron so his bright idea is to send

strong woman to track them down you know

the woman who fell for the dark lord and

is responsible for all this [ __ ]

happening and lied about it too good

call so here we are high King doesn’t

punish anyone ever for disobeying him

because strong woman and Lieutenant Dan

are leading an army to the land of

oregano to catch sore ass this show is

consistent as [ __ ] with characters who

are inconsistent [ __ ] we shall need

an Archer two swordsman I trust you can

recommend a set Oh you mean like uh

Aragorn barir and legalist

I leg trust me shut your [ __ ] mouth

shut the [ __ ] up you C I love that

strong woman scoffs at the idea she’s

untrustworthy as if a path of

Destruction isn’t [ __ ] blazing behind

her as she speaks how silly of elron to

suggest a lying Psy a who gets her

friends killed so she can do a cool

karate move isn’t trustworthy it’s [ __ ]

it is a table of [ __ ] hey remember that

scene in Two Towers when the fractured

Fellowship was running across the field

in a wide shot for a montage well here’s

a shittier version of something you love

awesome right a billion doll production

to cosplay is something that cost a

fraction of it very of the times the

stunning and brave group of diverse

elves stunningly and bravely come across

the broken bridge to which strong woman

declares no earthly Force could have

this this is the work of s yes no force

on Earth could break that bridge no cave

trolls could do it no explosives that

have been shown to exist and used on

them not giant [ __ ] Eagles if they

wanted to it must have been the guy

you’re looking for you absolute [ __ ]

[ __ ] I love that she’s wearing the ring

too they don’t really know what it’s

capable of or the PO set it has so it’s

best to take it into the potential heat

of battle instead of leaving it safely

in Rivendell I absolutely love to hate

this show instead of damaging the brand

and all it really does is strengthen the

actual Lord of the Rings books and

movies thanks bezo you ball [ __ ] they

spend minutes of runtime going back and

forth about where to go now that the

bridge is out thwarted by one [ __ ]

Bridge they don’t have a rope or

anything for these Warriors the same

kind of Warriors who gadriel let up the

side of a [ __ ] mountain in the first

episode of this series but [ __ ] this

bridge will be the end of you this

company will not take counsel from that

trinket if you cannot abide by those

terms you will leave now and return to

Lindon I should like to then why do you

not not because I do not wish to see any

of this company slay rewind replay like

the company you didn’t care was slain by

a cave troll right does anyone need more

examples of why this character

absolutely sucks ass I’m starting to

believe gadriel might be the most

insufferable horribly written character

on television please drop a comment with

someone worse if you don’t think so but

there’s more to come I’m coming I’m just

going to come as hard as I can and now

we return to more characters you

hate o um maybe I don’t like this actor

I’m good like his shitty faux television

counterparts he too is foiled by a

simple trick wind it sweeps away his

little map after he runs into Tom

Bombadil and he tries really hard to

break this branch and make a staff out

of it look at that acting ability WWE is

more believable do G willikers me old

man Willow who swallowed up a hobbit

well subversion activated it swallows up

not Gandalf I do do remember Sam and

Frodo the hobbits I mean the skinny

Hobbit and The pudgy Hobbit I mean sorry

the pudgy harfoot poppy because they

don’t have the rights and the skinny

harfoot Nory because they don’t have the

rights are being annoying turd bers

again the silly gagle of geese they are

they get scared and rolled down a hill

before running into the next diverse

cast member of the moment miramac who

seems to have a thing for pudding I bet

he’d like lizo quite a

bit you’re about to meet the goo there’s

four rules never look the GU in the eye

and never call her the GU got it Mar the

diversity hack brings the not Hobbits to

his Lost Boys Village from the movie

Hook ain’t no shot they actually put a

poor kid with Down syndrome in here for

the ESG fist bump oh my God leave this

poor kid alone for God’s sake now I’m

really mad then they meet maramax

someone this is the quintessential scene

that really showcases what they were

aiming for in season one’s propaganda I

mean advertisements

diversity you got your whites you got

your blacks you got your Asians you got

your Down

syndrome what the [ __ ] well at least

it’s reflective of the world we live in

right this fantasy European lore has

been modern westernized to [ __ ] so

reflecting reality as Amazon claims to

be doing you’d think half the people

would be obese since that’s actual

reality let that sink in that this is

neither the high fantasy it’s supposed

to be nor does it accurately project

anything resembling our modern world yes

it’s the same old Hollywood bubble

living fantasy we’ve come come to know

and despise we’re stews what were you

thinking bringing a ear nobody’s that

stupid you’re a stew n you’re this

guy Tyrus did you just fall nari informs

them that they wound up here trying to

help their giant friend who they

actually say like an elf bigger than

that oh so he’s a great big Grand

Elf [ __ ] Jesus I want to die

elsewhere the not nasgul is talking to

not Saruman about not Gandalf and the

not Hobbits they’ve been tracking God

damn the show let’s get back to Grand

Elf himself shall we no biggy here just

not Bombadil watching him take a

bath I I thought I heard a woman singing

no grandov I’m just a soprano this is

reminding me of the third episode of The

Last of

Us gay what are you don’t you know my

name yeah that’s the only answer what

what the [ __ ] does that even mean no

[ __ ] that’s the only answer so say it

grandal asks bomb a [ __ ] if he’ll teach

him how to use his powers and gets

specific asking to wield the staff and

he gets the Harry Potter treatment

you’re a wizard not gandal you don’t

choose the staff the staff chooses you

Tom badil tells Grand Elf that he’s

meant to face Sauron and the evil wizard

who’s definitely Saruman at some point

at some time he picks up on it real

quick too great Deeds are left to the

hands they were placed in you mean my

hands this [ __ ] genius look looking

at a blue sky and calling it blue the

diie group of Misfit minorities are

forced into the Barrow Downs by the plot

a place where Kings were laid to rest

characters keep repeating things that

another character says as to extend the

runtime I thought I heard Hur what did

you hear in a nice throwback to 70s and

‘ 80s horror the black guy gets killed

first and gadriel announces that these

are barow whites which means she must

have run into them before which means

she must know how to fight them probably

they’re impervious to our weapons no

it’s uh it’s actually elron who knows

how even though he doesn’t seem to know

what they were according to law only the

blades with which they were buried will

return such creatures to rest so gadriel

knows what they are but doesn’t know how

to fight them and elron doesn’t know

what they are but knows the lore on how

to kill them okay okay I love how

gadriel casually turns her back on a

fidgeting fisting bunch of ghosts like a

[ __ ] artard and is shocked when they

snatch her right up off her feet

elsewhere aelor is looking for blackulas

as not kid in a scene that’s reminiscent

of the ability Hollywood used to have

lighting nighttime scenes it’s

excruciating trying to watch this show

it’s Overexposed during daytime and you

can’t see a [ __ ] thing at night it’s

a television show if it’s night it

doesn’t need to be pitch black clearly

this isn’t reality it’s not even

fanfiction it’s [ __ ] hate fiction so

we don’t need night to actually be

completely dark to the point the

audience can’t tell what’s going on look

at how the Torches light the scene wow

almost like it’s both common sense and

clever if only you could say that for

all 40 planned episodes of this piece of

[ __ ] yeah 40 [ __ ] episodes Don Lemon

lless finds a dismembered corpse and

when he tells everyone what he found

This Woman’s just standing there making

derp faces like this yeah Sor gets

diarrhea shot into his face and she’s

like looks like they’re going north to

look for blackula not child thanks to

terrible actress’s advice terrible

actress wipes the Kaka from aild door’s

brow and gives him a big toothy grin

flirt Don Lemon lless calls out horrible

actress’s branding she gave herself and

she’s like blackula identifies her as a

wild man having duped a Sor with that

toothy Captain Kirk delivery it seems

she’s like I’m a wild woman and girls

gone Wild’s blackulas off of her as

they’re heading north still taking her

advice apparently bad guy gave you

advice totally not trying to lead you

into a trap you guys better keep going

after you discovered she’s a villain

this show can’t imply a single thing so

Ailor has to describe exactly how he was

duped because the showrunners think that

little of the audience she asks would

you rather I died in Mordor to which

he’d have every right to say yeah

actually you little treacherous piece of

[ __ ] it would be totally appropriate to

pull a Cody rhods on her I hope you

[ __ ] die but he simply says let me

think and this lying turd has the

audacity to be appalled by his answer

along with the seal clap counter we

should count how many times it’s

relevant to say this these characters

absolutely suck and are written like

[ __ ] as they keep on moseying

treacherous wench says that she could

walk better if her hands weren’t cuffed

solid argument dumbass the Cuffs also

provide about 2 ft of slack so I’m sure

they’re doing a really good job once

again a Sor gets caught in a sticky

situation G I wonder if this character

who plays an integral part of The Lord

of the Rings is going to die here the

tension is palpable blackula and ail

don’t get sucked down the earthy toilet

and the Harlot decides to try and save

them instead of running free pulling the

monster up with a stick Yahoo we now

return to more characters you don’t care

about than not Hobbits what have they

been up to well they’re tied up with

their new diverse friend telling the

stew Mama that hey it’s totally okay

you’re going to leave us to die that’s

exactly what harf foots do to people

they find useless they mentioned sadak

Burrows a name that triggers Stewart

Mama to untie Nori and show her this yes

that’s the Shire but they can’t call it

the Shire so it’s not the Shire it’s the

suat [ __ ] rings of power simultaneously

longs to be a part of the bigger World

while telling you this isn’t original

tale That tolken Couldn’t Write or maybe

he didn’t write it because he didn’t

write [ __ ] so basically the Shire is now

Jerusalem for not Hobbits it’s like a

tall tale Sanctuary for them to seek

their safe space a holy experience of

being able to burrow into the ground

wherever they want that’s what Nori and

her people were doing and she didn’t

know it Moses sing through the lands

trying to find their sacred one the [ __ ]

didn’t tolken hate this kind of [ __ ]

Nori is simultaneously shocked at the

news about the Shire I refuse to call it

the Suza because I’m not under

contractual obligation to be cringe

she’s shocked at this news while also

apparently having knowledge of it she’s

like oh the sh wow that’s so crazy that

explains a lot and then a moment later

talks like she was aware of it the whole

time yeah we never found the Shire how

unfortunate so we just kept

wondering however the [ __ ] she’d be

saying that much like elron having no

clue about the barow whites while

simultaneously knowing the lore the

writers make sure each character isn’t

internally contradicting disaster the

not nazou decide to drop into the home

of the lost boys and Mama stew walks up

to GRE them and the not ghoul is like

it’s and backhand her ass into the dirt

then he [ __ ] extends his hand to help

her up and is shocked that she doesn’t

want to take it what the [ __ ] all right

we need a seal clap counter a this is

written like [ __ ] counter and a what the

[ __ ] counter one of them asks do you

know why we wear these masks and then

basically goes well you’ll find

out talk about intimidating well-written

dialogue the show is ass back to elrond

and strong woman the show basically

tells you exactly what’s going to happen

right before it does from this point on

it’s not foreshadowing no it’s more

direct dialogue because the writers

still think we’re morons I know you

believe this ring is deceiving me but I

believe it is guiding me Kell bmb’s life

would be in my hands and I promise you

there will be more

painful sacrifices you will put opposing

Sauron above all other considerations

even my life life awesome so the

obviously misguided strong woman is

going to be responsible for ccka bribor

death because elron will save her

instead and take the brunt of the

responsibility got it let’s see if it

plays out that way shall we who thinks

this is clever writing who drop in my

comment section I I need to know good

faith argument please I genuinely want

to know if anyone watching this video

thinks this show is Well written back to

his Sor he finds treacherous wench

asking for her handcuffs to be removed

and as soon as he does she steals his

sword blackula pops up to stop her but

they’re all interrupted when an antt

swings his member and cleans her [ __ ]

clock he smashes her right into a

[ __ ] rock and this [ __ ] had me

howling not what the show had intended

for but godamn was it the

unintentionally best part of the series

so far small correction for the Nerds

out there this is actually an ant wife I

just had to leave this part in because

it’s funny and I like it the ants are

pissed about Orcs coming into the forest

and chopping down trees you remember

that from Lord of the Rings right seal

clap I’ll reiterate what I said at

beginning of the video the show is 100%

a fanfiction rewrite of The Lord of the

Rings with characters replaced with

versions from temu in an attempt to give

you Nostalgia dopamine hits the ants are

the ones who had blackula not child and

he was in their wooden prison and after

he convinces them of some [ __ ] that

they’ll be protecting the forest they

won’t be protecting the forest they set

his not kid free a Sor stoked to see the

Wench who will turn him into a beta is

alive but not when he sees her

boyfriend dude this one sucks let her go

so not kid’s decision to join Adar was a

one-off decision and it’s over now

because he thanks Don Lemon lless for

saving him great glad we wasted an

entire episode for that back to the

status quo then elron and diie crew run

across adar’s Orcs who fire a shot at

one of their horses looking for food and

Miss but strike this poor bastard

instead [ __ ] the ring removes the arrow

from his gut and they’re treating this

like it’s the one ring even with the

music queue

strong woman tells elron to take the

ring and she runs out to confront all

the Orcs by herself because obviously

all these armed Warrior elves and

gadriel goes out to kill all the Orcs

got to make her look like a strong women

after all alron says the obvious she

didn’t do it to save us she did it to

save the ring strong woman is stopped by

Adar just as the episode hits the 1H

hour mark to make sure it maintains its

epic nature and thankfully it [ __ ]

ends but we don’t we still have more to

discuss episode

5 of course there’s a recap recap recap

Because unless you’re following along

with my video series you won’t remember

[ __ ] from Simply watching this snooze

best of a show remember that Kaka bmbo

and Sor ass started the Lord of the

Rings narrative and convinced ginger

dwarf and pre- internet bullied lizo to

give them me thrill to make the Rings

also remember I write this [ __ ] on the

fly when it’s a ranting video nope no

editing or recap for myself nope none of

that in exchange for that they

themselves will get some rangs M what a

beautiful shot of sausage fingers

Excellent Choice by the director King

Duren scoffs at his ginger dwarf son

while the ring tells him where to dig

and when Ginger protests he’s like shut

up shut the [ __ ] it’s supposed to come

off like the Rings making him do this

but I’m pretty sure he’s always been

this kind of dad oh and a tangent if you

pause a show when watching Amazon Prime

the actor’s info pops up and this is

this poor guy’s head shot

after hours of digging he busts through

and light pours in then stupidly turns

around and says when I tell you to dig

you do so bro shut the [ __ ] up you’re

the king you stood there and dug that

out because you’re a stubborn Ard you

could have made anyone including your

ginger kid do it with one more request

next the acting and dialogue are

simultaneously god tier check this out

we bring the sun to us at last it is

Daybreak once more in our Mountain as a

gift the doors of Duren are given to

cucky boy oh remember the door remember

seal clap time [ __ ] let’s go

you remember the password situation in

Fellowship right right Sor ass is upset

that his beta didn’t keep his speech

short and shuns him for it and Cal

cowers like a little [ __ ] I encouraged

you to keep it

short he says like a [ __ ] I don’t

remember you saying that because you

don’t always listen back into the box

[ __ ] until further notice Cal finally

pushes back against his beta ways having

reservations about giving rings to

men wait

what anyway so Sor ass throws a fit and

decides he’ll go John Wick he’ll do it

alone elsewhere at some point in numor

because this show doesn’t have any sense

of how time works ferzon the guy who was

openly discussing killing the queen in

public is talking about it openly a

little more he’s talking all cryptic

about his desire for power and his son

Seaman keeman whatever he questions his

father’s thirst for it so fison annoyed

that he’s being questioned he says and I

[ __ ] you not he says you know when you

were a kid your mother prophesies you’d

die in a horrific

accident this [ __ ] show he says it

with this face too he tells his son he

better not fail at his task whatever the

[ __ ] that vague [ __ ] means or else so

he’s the denior of this series basically

got it yet another character you

remember kind of slotted in with the

temu version understood show understood

Our Queen oh God these damn Dutch angles

not every battle must be fought to be

one that’s an actual line of dialogue

that made it through multiple rounds of

editing and everyone was like [ __ ] yeah

Regent apparently hands the Reigns over

to alendal son of goober cuz she’s you

know [ __ ] blind apparently This

Woman’s brother is dead and she has

stripped queen regent of her power you

know there are so many [ __ ]

characters in the show that are all

equal amounts boring and annoying that I

completely forgot about her story I’m

curious how many people watching are oh

wait uh no one’s watching back in

cuckboy BDSM chamber he watches in

horror as Sor ass starts work on the

nine rings for men while we have to

listen to horribly sound mixed narration

of his letter to the high King lying his

ass off back in the caves dies is a

crystals girl God damn it and buys a

crystal ball thing for her daughter

stripping ginger dwarf of his

hard-earned cash like a housewife sure

as [ __ ] it gets knocked out of her hands

because she’s a clumsy one you see and

it rolls down a path she’s apparently

never seen wait so in this densely

populated area of the caves where she

lives she’s never seen this area before

ever how convenient to find the ball she

screams like a banshee Middle Earth is

changing its limbs are stretching its

bones creaking the [ __ ] it’s balls

creaking King Duren decides to hand out

all the Rings to the dwarf Realms before

being confronted by Ginger about the

great ancient evil lurking below kazak

Doom the bog obviously cuz you remember

the Bell Rock remember Duren tells

Ginger that there is no danger as he

clutches the ring it’s amazing how

quickly these things start to be a

problem at what point did they have time

to be seducing anyone with their power

people were suspicious immediately but

this show doesn’t imply [ __ ] it

explicitly shows everything because the

idiotic writers think the audience is

stupid and not them back to sore ass a

bunch of items in the Boiler Room start

getting thrown around like Kevin Bacon’s

arrived as the Invisible Man an anvil

gets dropped Looney Tune style and

someone literally gets attacked with a

[ __ ] Hammer this [ __ ] show before

cuckboy Michael J foxes his way to the

source apparently all the Rings have the

same kind of power as the one ring so

you get that sweet sweet Nostalgia gasm

Mna the blonde baddy who put the ring on

and tried to kill everyone by pulling a

Wy coyote isn’t questioned or talked to

about hey you just tried to [ __ ] kill

everyone she’s all confused after the

Rings completely messed her up I took

the drugs and the drugs are working and

the drugs are working Ginger shows up to

talk to cuckboy about his dad the king

growing colder quicker to anger and he

refuses to share the other Rings again

the subtlety is not necessary don’t

worry guys this show will describe

everything to you sauron’s rising up

blonde baddy who he Likens to why

gadriel of course and he flicks her

[ __ ] hair the guy goes from

sophisticated British accent to Riz in 2

seconds told you not to call me here I’m

in the middle of doing this little thing

thing meanwhile alendal is partaking in

a ceremony when this soy boy far or wnab

busts in yes he really is the modern

audience version of a white guy latte in

hand and all this Shrine is condemned by

order of the king he smashes a little

trinket and old man wanted to finish the

ceremony with and finally someone with

some balls throws a [ __ ] punch and

white boy wants to throw one back and

sure does try vendal attacks soy boy for

being a dick rightfully so and the most

timid fight in a TV show ever breaks out

that’s a knockout point Thank You Paul

vendil has vente latte dead to rights

but he’s ordered to put the sword down

guaranteeing he’s about to die and uh

yeah he gets stabbed dead just like I

thought how sad another character you

forgot about who has zero development 13

episodes deep is dead what am I going to

do now back to Sor ass and cuck who’s

gas lit by Sauron that it’s his fault

the dwarf rings are full of malice

because he introduced deception when he

lied to his King this schoolyard

gaslighting mentality works on the

mentally weak Kell bmore because the

plot needs it to or because a character

is only as smart as the writer [ __ ] boy

decides to go along with sauron’s

[ __ ] and helps them finish the Rings

because the nine rings are going to

redeem the seven by drawing power from

the three all right so the strength of

men will redeem them all gut it cuz I

saw Return of the King I remember Elon

or the 8,000th character in the show

arrives for his 5-second cameo in the

episode to warn the high King about the

Orcs heading to oregano Well turns out

sauron’s got a two Tower situation you

remember the two towers right h also

remember the two towers and strong woman

gadriel makes her brief appearance when

she’s offered momentary allyship with

Adar for their common foe Sor ass

himself that’s it for this week’s

edition of contenders for worst show of

the year I’m one of the few people who

will be finishing the show because I

feel like it’s my duty to do it for you

it’s my personal goal to make a far more

entertaining video about the show than

you’ll ever get from actually watching

the real thing so let’s keep this train

a [ __ ] chugging see you for episode 6

GG’s that’s knockout point Thank You

Paul thank you Paul